Tazer Ball: A Truly Stunning Spectacle

A group of paintballers have come together to create a new game that they refer to as “the future of sport.” It’s a bit like rugby, fast-paced and full-contact, but played on a field similar to those used for indoor soccer. Teams of four face off without any pads and do battle, armed with lightning reflexes, a willingness to take a hit — and a stun gun. Yes, a stun gun.

Tazer Ball, as it’s been dubbed, arms every player with the same type of less-than-lethal weapon carried by law enforcement and security officers around the world for use on opposing players.

The creators of the game have begun organizing a professional league, and have been garnering a lot of attention around the web. There are four teams so far; two in California, one in Philadelphia and a fourth in Toronto, Canada (where stun guns are illegal — must make practices difficult). And they’re looking for more franchises.

What’s truly shocking is how many people are, seemingly in earnest, posting to their Facebook walls asking how they can start their own team. The league has promised to announce the next city to have an official team when its Facebook page reaches 2,500 “Likes.”

Eager new fans will be able to view the first professional match on March 4th, but only if they’re willing to buy a ticket to Bangkok.

Check out a few choice excerpts from the rules below, which are available for perusal on the league’s website, along with some videos of play and contact information.

Shock Zones will be established in an eight-foot semi circle around each goal. The field will be set up in the traditional 200 by 85 foot rectangle with standard indoor soccer goals on either end.
A single defender can inhabit the Shock Zone for any length of time, while any additional defender(s) must only remain in this zone for no more than 3 seconds
.”

We’re not sure why they’re called Shock Zones. At first glance, we thought they might be the only areas in which someone could be legally tazed. Nope. As long as a player has possession of the over-sized ball, he’s fair game anywhere on the field.

Required Gear/Equipment
Up to 7 Shockers per team (1 per player). Each player will wear goggles, a mouthgaurd (sic), regulation jersey and shorts, which must be worn for the duration of the match.

Will a “Shocker” one day replace a baseball mitt as the birthday present most requested by young boys? And why is the league concerned about players removing their clothing?

Impermissible Infractions (Major Penalty)
Kicking, punching with intent to hit player and not the ball, shocking above the shoulders or in the groin (with intent), biting, spitting, or tripping. ANY behavior unbecoming of any professional UTB athlete will be assessed and subsequently punished at the discretion of the head referee…

We don’t think we’d be very likely to attempt to kick or punch someone holding a stun gun. And we can only assume that “unbecoming behavior” includes taking off your shorts during a game.

About the author  ⁄ John Craig