There is a common misconception that, when it comes to infidelity, men are more likely to stray than women. In fact, women are also prone to these behaviors. The bottom line is, people cheat. And, while there are no “telltale” signs that your partner is unfaithful, there are certainly some red flags. Here is a list of the top 10 so you can be prepared and take action if you suspect it happening to you:
1. A sudden need for privacy—If your significant other becomes secretive about information that used to be open (i.e. computer passwords, phone records, etc.) this is a warning sign. If you try to confront her about the secrecy and get accused of being controlling or invading privacy, you should consider your suspicions justified.
2. Spending inexplicable time on a computer or telephone—We often have a single-minded view that cheating is relegated to the bedroom. In fact, in recent years, social media has become much more pervasive, especially with the already-married set; this fact has given rise to emotional cheating, or “Social Cheatworking.” While not as viscerally upsetting as a sexual affair, emotional infidelity can be much more detrimental to the fundamental foundation of a relationship. And, if not addressed early on, the emotional bond of an online or phone relationship can progress into something physical.
One sign of emotional cheating, in addition to a sudden need for privacy, is your partner spending significantly more time on the computer or telephone. And like a need for privacy, if you confront your significant other and she becomes defensive, there is more than likely something being hidden.
3. Regular work habits change—This is one of those stereotypical red flags often associated with cheating. Working late is a perfect explanation for almost any prolonged absence. If you notice your partner is suddenly staying late, or leaving town much more frequently on business (coupled with, perhaps, a despondency when he is actually at home), you have every right to be suspicious.
4. “Just a friend”—Biz Markie had it right. If your partner suddenly makes a friend, and keeps that friendship dubiously secretive, it could mean there’s more to it than he’s letting on.
5. Disinterest in Sex—In this case, your spouse is typically willing or open to sex (or, as frequently as can be expected in a marriage), but recently his wants and desires have changed. There is a chance that this lack of interest is a sign that he’s getting his needs fulfilled elsewhere, and doesn’t need it from you anymore.
6. Your spouse becomes more sexually adventurous—Conversely, if your significant other’s sexual appetite changes, or she begins requesting new needs that she hasn’t expressed in the past, it could be because she’s learning different habits from someone else.
7. Money becomes more of an issue/Unaccounted funds—Financial concerns are always a cornerstone of a marriage. But if your spouse’s job situation hasn’t changed, yet there seems to be a shortage of cash flow, there is a possibility that he’s spending money on a new love interest. Your mutual incomes may be going towards flowers, romantic dinners and hotel stays that you are not being treated to.
8. Dressing Nicer/Buying Clothes—Also going along with monetary concerns; your significant other may begin dressing nicer or spending cash on a new wardrobe. If there hasn’t been a change in job or a promotion, she could be dressing to impress someone else. For men, an increased emphasis on grooming or working out is another red flag. Dressing up to “hang with the guys” when that’s never happened before should be a cause for concern.
9. Quick to shower when they get home—If you’ve been with someone else, the first thing you’ll want to do to not get caught is wash away the smell of sweat or perfume. If your spouse jumps in the shower directly after he gets home, he could be masking the scent of another person quickly to not arouse suspicion.
10. Your gut instinct—At the end of the day, you know your significant other better than anyone. If your gut is telling you there’s something wrong, or if her behavior is unusual, you are justified in finding out what’s really going on.
There is another misconception that investigating your loved one’s actions is wrong. In fact, it’s generally accepted that if you feel like your significant other is unfaithful, it is completely within your rights to get to the bottom of it. Oftentimes when infidelity is going on, your significant other won’t be open to discussion, and you’ll have to take matters into your own hands to catch a cheater. The most important thing is that you know the truth and move on with your life.